Hello Friends:
Happy Easter and I hope you feel and hear my prayers for you and family to be at peace, happy with who you love, treat all with consideration and respect, give more than you ask for and underpromise and overdeliver to make your life successful, rewarding and filled with anticipation of what's next.
I am a bit disturbed today my dad has Alzheimers and does not live with me, he has a second wife my stepmother, her two daughters, grandson's and a church group who all think he is the greatest. As my dad from 1958 until 2006 he lived a life of selfishness, arrogance, childhood to adult broken promises to even come by , call or show up for holiday dinners or any other dinner where people sit, talk and get to know each other and show concern, care, andsupport each others dreams, goals and life. We got at absent dad, whoe life was spent with strangers, co-workers and the other women , most of my momo's friends and neighbors, humiliating my mom in her public circles and even dated some of my friends , friends. We got to love a name of our father, all of his first family members, three kids and a wife he wiped his ego and feet on considering himself too good to waste time with our trivial lives or sucesses, controlling but never home, and violent a few times and verbally abusive to mom nonstop and never supported her dreams or ever helped her increase her education as promised or even act like supporting us was an honor only a punishment in his eyes, cutting alimony/child support off the day we all turned eighteen and never dropped another dime on uus for even a stick of gum or participating as a father at all not that we asked or needed his money. Now at 77, he has put on a new attitude re-writing history as a goood man and father, and community leader, joined a church, became deacon, and basically put on an act to be religious to get insurance business, but I told him do not play with God you may regret it oneday. Now his second wife thinks he lived a full life as a good father to the first family, and we just do not care about our poor sick dad who sacrificed his adult life raising us, not and we should be coming around to surround, support and caregive in his time of need and poor degrading health. He never supported me as a terminally ill person, even when I was not expected to make it out of the hospital he came once, glared at me,sucked his teeth, did not understand what was wrong with me, accused me of faking as I was dying to get more money in the divorce settlement, told me if I was dying why be in the hospital wasting his money, just come home and die. All this ignorance stung, numbed me, got buried as I waited for him to be touched by God and become a person again. Well he did finally emerge as a caring person, tried to be a father to me who was always his favorite, yes"daddy's little girl" who got the little praise he ever gave but I still was stood numerous times , sitting in tears, gutted he promised and did nort keep it, time after time. Now in his late seventies he wants company , adoration of loving children and the second family is reaping all the benefits of his rebirth as a father, grandfather, friend, and ask why we are not around and talk shit about us not nowing the truth. The stepmom tried to throw it uo in my face and I had to get her straight, I told her I'm not the one and you have got it all wrong about why we do not come and two of his children are too hurt to even care anymore but now he is very ill, losing lucidity, and they are complaining about our absence,as the burden of caring for him grows they just gripe and resentment is growing as ill memebers of her family try to care for him. I said that is no way to handle it, by asking from people untrained, uncaring but family in name, but feeling forced to look after him, as a result they are not caring for him properly, leaving him alone without I.D. or a working cell phone only a house phone I was over and looked for for his cell phone an hour and never found it then when the stepmomn came home she marched over with it after I insisted I was off to buy a new cell phone if she did not show me his, she got hot said it was under the bed where I had already looked, I think she had it in her pocket and tried to start an argument and I said I have called for a week without answer and I have the right to be upset, and get reasonable answers finally she also got the house phone that was covered by a pile of clothes which does work during the day, but he had no idead where it was. I was told basically since I do not come around , do not come now starting any mess, I said showing concern and asking for answers to things I see that are toatally unacceptable is not starting mess, when I come raising hell, and starting mess you will know it the police will be here then I got a bit of snapping and growling from my dear stepmom, who I am not on the best terms with just, civil for the sake of speaking. I told her my dad had phoned me asked me to arrange for groceries to be delivered, which I paid for, which pissed her off, why? like he is not getting enough to eat, and he has been put in a seperate bedroom, for the last six weeks and feels a distance from his wife, and suspects she may be cheating, possibly his guilt and imagination since he did cheat regularly on all his wives for years and now cannot drive or get out and she is out working and going to church events without him due to his fear of falling after hip surgery which has weakened his legs, like mine have been for the last several years. Since 1972 he has never asked about my health, welfare with any real care or sincerity,nor asked if I needed money,does it hurt all the time, how do I get to the hosptal when I fall and collapse or anything until I returned in 2006, when he was into God, teaching sunday school, and pretending to be reformed, but God changed him in how did he think. I asked how did he think I made it without a father all these years, and made it threw nights of screaming in pain with no relief in sight and not slit my throat just for thepain to stop, laying with two husbands who promised not to leave, love me and see I died in peace who both betrayed their promise to God as their marriage vows, and just left me as he did, broke promises they made as he did and I deepdown expected only that from men and especially anyone who claimed to love me as he did, so I was waiting to be disappointed thanks to his continual disrespect and letdowns and waiting around until he decied to try to start being even cordial and have conversations asking how I was, who I was and what I was doing with my life. I am worried he reached out for help, and I tried and my brother and older sister could care less on any level but I would help anyone elderly person family or not, as I have for a lifetime not just to impress others or prove something I will always help anyone asking for it but feel I am being put off by an overbearing, sensitive overwhelmed stepmom, who knows she is not being a good caregiver, but is to stubborn to let me help, and I told her I am ytoo ill to come and be a caregiver, I put in my time from childhood I hae taen care of the elderly and ill family, friends and anyone I could because that is who I am. She works and to her credit has seen him through two surgeries and the onset of the big "A". I offered to get help in for her for dishes and chore help but, she adamantly refused with a big attitude. I feel afraid for him and am puzzled what to do next to help him? He said I may have to move? I asked why he does'nt feel loved anymore? I do not know if it is paranoia from his old cheeating ghosts or a real cry for help?
Any suggestions from experiences in your life or current situationsimilar to this/
Be well, lie now and love the one who loves you while there is still time and while it still matters to them.
mped
Sweetmeat58
